"Angel!" Buffy yells, struggling over to his prone body. Xander makes his way over as well, helping Buffy to lift him up.
"Good god," Spike barely whispers, watching as Ash makes her retreat, literally disappearing into the air before his eyes.
"Youre lucky she missed your heart," Giles said. Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred had headed straight to see Giles once they arrived to do more research as Angel went in search of Ashlan. Everyone made their retreat back to Buffys house. Giles had taken the dagger out of Angel, and was now bandaging his deep wounds.
"Shes always had bad aim," he chuckled softly, trying to make light of the situation.
"So I take it this was the grave, impending danger you were talking about, Wes?" Buffy asked from her seat next to Angel on the couch.
"Unfortunately, Im afraid so. We had hoped that they wouldnt have been able to bring her back, but now that they have, weve got a nightmare in the making," the former watcher said.
"Tell me about it. She almost took my head off with that kick. Tossed us all around like ragdolls. Angel," she turned to face him, "who was that?"
"Its a long story," he sighed.
"Were not going anywhere," she gently smiled.
"Sister?? I never knew you had a sister." Buffy always knew that he hated talking about his past, especially his family.
"And as of right now," Spike chimed in, "were in for about as painful as it gets."
"Well wait," Tara said, "if shes your sister, than shed have to be a vampire too, right? But thenhow, how was she out in daylight earlier this morning?"
"Shes a hybrid- only half vampire," Angel explained.
"Im assuming you were her sire?" Giles asked.
"In a roundabout wayIm the one responsible." He braced himself for the painful memories he was about to dive into. "When I was first turned, my familymy family were the first people I. My mother-" he paused, trying to maintain his composure as he continued- "my mother was pregnant at the time when I was changed. I returned home that night, and she was the first person I attacked. I drained her to the point of death, before feeding off of the rest of my family. It was a few days later that I learned that my Aunt had come by later that night and found my mother, barely alive, but the trauma had induced her labor. She finally died after giving birth."
"Man, there were some weird names back in your time," Xander exclaimed. " Angelus, Ashlan. You never hear of any vampires named Tom or John." Rolling his eyes at him, Angel continued. "Somehow, when I fed off of my mother, it affected the child. She was born already turned, but not as a full vampire. Shes half human, and does age, at a slow rate, but has most vampire tendencies- except exposure to the sun wont kill her."
"Just your everyday vamp with a tan, huh?" Xander chimed in again.
"Nowhere near it," Angel said. "You have no idea what shes capable of." Angel stood up, gently wincing at the pain in his chest, and walked over to Giles. "When I found out my Aunt had taken her, she was the next on my list. I took in the child and named her Ashlan-"
"The one with the face of innocence-" Giles finished for him. At Angels nod, the vampire continued.
"Yes, weve been doing quite a lot of research on her. The only one of her kind, really. She has quite the resume of abilities stemming from her, uh- condition being a hybrid and all," he began reading from one of the books that Wesley brought him. "Incredible strength and reflexes, remarkable speed and agility, possesses the power of self-healing which regenerates damaged tissue at great speed, is able to charge any object with kinetic energy. When a charged object impacts after being thrown, it explodes."
"From what I can tell, she was virtually indestructible," Wesley added.
"So what happened to her if she was so big and bad?" Dawn asked.
"She belonged to the Brood?" Giles asked, slightly shocked by the revelation.
"All three of us did," Spike explained.
"Okay," Cordelia began, "now Im even more confused than before. What was the Brood?"
"A group of vampires that wreaked havoc throughout Europe in the nineteenth century," said Spike. "Me, Peaches over there, Edge, Christian, and Ashlan."
"No remorse, no mercy- just the kill," Giles added. "I remember reading about some of their, ummfiner work when we first learned about you, Angel. But I had no idea you were part of them."
"Theres one crime among all vampires. Its a crime that means death to any vampire- kill your own kind," explained Angel.
"After the poof here decided to sire lil ol me, as a sort of celebration, the three of us set out for a grand feast that night. Unfortunately, so did Edge and Christians sister, Alaana- real bitch that girl was."
"Again with the big A names," Xander said. "Ya know, maybe it wasnt the times, maybe it was just you guys and your families."
"Somehow Alaana found out that Ashlan was a hybridnot the sort of thing we thought they would look too highly upon. She was set to tell her brothers about it when the three of us decided to stop herthere was a fight, lot of blood, in the end, Angel here sliced her gawky head off and the three of us were left standing over her."
"A week later was when I was cursed. That same night, the Brood was supposed to meet but I gotdistracted, you know"
"Always was the greedy pig, werent you?" Spike chuckled. "By the time he actually did show up, all wobbly and confused with his brand new soul, Edge and Christian had already poisoned Ashlan. Tricked the poor girl into drinking a bunch of dead blood. Nasty way for a vampire to die." Seeing a few confused faces, Angel chimed in to explain. "Blood from the dead- a dead human, that is- is lethal to a vampireeven just a hybrid." Spike continued his story. "They tied up Ash, just waiting for Angel to see their revenge for Alaana."
"And where were you when all this was happening?" Buffy asked Spike. He turned to face the slayer, slightly lowering his eyes to the ground, now feeling remorse for some of the things he had done in life. "I wonder how Peaches managed to deal with this all these years," he thought to himself. "I wasuhgathering knivesloading the pistolya know, that sort of thing," he smugly trailed off.
"And tying me up. Dont forget the tying me up part," Angel said with his trademark half-smile. "I let my guard down. Didnt know what was happening. For a minute, I thought they were going to kill me too. But that wouldve been too simple. Too meaningless." He looked up at his friends, listening with rapt attention to one of the most painful events of his life. "She was beatenraped, finally shottwiceand I had to watch the whole thing. As an added bonus, they didnt even leave her dead body behind for me to bury. They took it with them when they came over to America, threw it off the docks-" Buffy placed her hand across his back, trying to soothe him. "Well that explains why she was all wet," she said.
"Willow, you little troublemaker you," Xander poked his finger at her, "you couldnt have just stopped with bringing Buffy back, could ya. Had to go and show off, huh?"
"Were still trying to figure that part out," Fred answered, pushing past Xander with her books. "So far what weve got is the Ritual of Gangrel. Used to resurrect a tortured soul that could not pass into the realm of the dead because of unfinished business."
"Like a ghost?" asked Anya.
"But not the Casper-friendly kind," Giles added. "According to my research, Ashlan mustve been brought back to avenge her own death. Thats the only way her soul will be able to rest and cross over completely- by killing the one who killed her."
"But what does that have to do with you?" Cordelia asked Angel.
"Im guessing she blames him for what happened," Fred answered. "Unless theyre blaming you for her?"
"Who?" asked Giles.
"Edge and Christian," Angel answered. "They mustve been able to do it. They mustve gotten hold of the ankh."
"Wait" Buffy began, "would that happen to be the same ankh she was wearing?" Noticing Angels questioning look, she explained. "This morning when we ran into her, she was wearing this cross around her neck. Willow said it was an ankh."
"Well, I guess they didnt have any problem getting it," Wesley said, "considering she was wearing it. She mustve had it on when they killed her."
"And she has no idea it was them," added Angel.
"So whats the game plan?" asked Gunn.
"As of right now, we have none. Right now, our first priority is drawing the three of them out of Sunnydale."
"Whoa, wait a minute here. Dont think Im not getting involved with all of this." Buffy could already see Angel begin to argue.
"This isnt your fight, Buffy. Thats why I hoped we wouldve been able to find the ankh before they did. I knew she was down below the docks and wanted to stop it before she could start stirring things up here."
"Im sorry, but I think youre missing one itty-bitty thing here," she said, a slight annoyance in her voice, "Im the slayer. I slay vampires remember? Thats what I do, and at the risk of sounding cocky, I do it damn well."
"You have no idea what shes capable of, Buffy. I mean, just look at tonight. Shes not even at full strength yet and look at what she did," he motioned to his bandages. "You said it yourself, she threw us around like ragdolls. And with Edge and Christian guiding herno! Im not putting you at this big a riskIve already put you at too many over the years." His eyes locked with hers, desperately pleading with her to let him handle it. "She could kill you," he faintly whispered.
"Angel," she gently reached out to cover his hand with her own, "every freaky thing that I go up against could kill me. Hell, Ive been dead twice already. Third times a charm, right?" she nervously laughed as Angels angry glance fell upon her. Seeing the scene transpiring before her eyes, Cordelia took it upon herself to break up the party.
"I dont know about you guys, but Im getting all funned-out. So-" she sat up, grabbing Wes, Fred, and Gunn and shoving them to the door. "-were going to head over to Giles house for the night and well all regroup here tomorrow morning to work on our game plan. Good? Good."
"Yeah," Angel said, sitting up from the couch to grab his jacket. "Wed better get going. Rest up. I dont think theyll try anything else toni- uggh!" He moaned in pain feeling Cordelias hand on his chest as he went to follow her out Buffys front door.
"Where do you think youre going? Youre hurt, and youre staying hereI mean, if thats all right with you, Buffy?" Cordelia had never seen the slayer so eager. "Great! I mean, of course. Good idea. We can, uh, keep an eye on your wounds."
"Im a fast healer," Angel said, turning around to once again start following his crew. Since seeing her a few weeks ago, Angel found it harder and harder to try and repress all the memories, all the feelings. It would kill him being under the same roof again with her. But still, he was feeling weak, and just being near her, breathing her in, hearing her voice would be- <No! We made our agreement, and->
"An inch or two to the right and youd be a lovely pile of dust, boss" Cordelia pushed her three coworkers fully out the door. "Were taking your car. Spike!!"
"What?" he called from Buffys kitchen.
"But Im busy," he came walking into the living room with an opened container of blood. "Got to keep up my strength now that the lil sis is back."
"Brown bag it, and lets go." Cordelia pushed the gang out of Buffys house, but waited for the slayer to approach her. "Buffy, justjust watch him- please."
"Oh Cordy, come off it. You dont have to worry about-"
"No, not the curse. I know you two know better than that. Its just thatwell, he hasnt been too well," she said with a sigh.
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, a naturally worried look across her face.
"Hes just been really stressed out and depressedand not just his usual brooding." Her eyes stared over the slayers shoulders to give her boss a final glance. He was carefully sliding his jacket off again and was lifting his shirt to inspect one of his bandages. "I just worry a lot about him, thats all." Buffy could see a faint glimmering of unshed tears in Cordelias eyes. "I didnt know you two had gotten so close?" Coming back to her senses, Cordy finally grasped what her friend was implying.
"What? Ohno, no. Nothing like that, Buffy. But I do love himlike a brother. Hes practically my best friend if I really think about it. Thats entirely different from being in love with him."
"I know that Angel does love you, Cordelia. Youve had to realize that over the years."
"I know that," she said, matter of factly, "and I also know that not only does he love you, but hes madly in love with you. Always will be." Cordelia noticed that Buffys eyes averted to the window. "And youll always be in love with him, right? So, what are you waiting for?" Buffys eyes returned to her friends face, recalling her mothers exact words from her dream the night before. "You and I both realize all of this, Buffy. Its Angel we have to convince. Why not take the opportunity tonight? Just talk. Maybe things will be different for a change." With that, Cordy gave her a reassuring hug, and Buffy and Angel were left alone in her living room. Willow, Tara, and Dawn all headed upstairs.
"I thought we were going to decorate tonight?" Dawn whined. The young girl had caught the Christmas spirit, and combined with the overwhelming joy of having her sister back to share it with, she was looking forward to celebrating with her family. "Do you think theyll be okay down there? You knowalone?" Dawn asked Will and Tara.
"Theyll be fine. It might actually do them some good, ya know," said Tara. "Especially Buffy. Well see you in the morning Dawnie." As they settled down into bed, Willow began discussing any spells they may be able to conjure up to help stop Ashlan.
"You didnt kill them?!" Edge was now pacing the floor of the mansion in a frenzy, shocked that Ash had not disposed of Angel and the slayer when she had the chance.
"In due time." Ash laid herself out across the cold cement floor, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, a sick smile across her face.
"Our priority here isnt to play games, its to put Angel and that slayer in the ground. Weve had to put up with enough from him in LA; hes been nothing but trouble for us the minute he arrived. Havent you been listening at all to us?!" Christian, following his brothers lead was now getting furious as well. "Do we have to remind you why we were gracious enough to bring you back?! Or maybe youve spent so many years underwater that your ears are still clogged, so let us tell you aga- aggh!" Christians mouth met fist, as Ash could no longer hold back her rage, catching him with a fierce right punch, slamming him up against the wall.
"The dagger?" Edge asked from his corner. "I take it you-"
"Poisoned it? You two should know my tricks by now. Smeared in a little dead blood as well, just for fun. Might as well give him the same treatment he gave me, right?" Edge and his brother nervously agreed, looking to each other to make sure they kept their heads about everything. They didnt wish to even fathom what she would do to them if she only knew they were the ones tonevertheless, they considered it a risk worth taking. Bringing her back- the only one they could think of to eliminate the two pesky warriors. "Its only a matter of time before it kicks in," Ash continued. By tomorrows light, if hes not totally keeled over and is stupid enough to fight us, he can look forward to a nasty death." Ash flipped herself up from the floor, slowly walking over to Edge. "Is everything set for tomorrow night? Manage to get a crew together, did you?"
"While you were out playing nice with your brother, we had the oh so difficult task of recruiting a few members for the New Brood."
"Fifty or so. Youd be surprised at how many dimwitted humans walk these streets at night," Edge laughed. "And I thought all the saps came out to play in LA"
"Get more. This slayer and Angelusthey must be dealt with expediently. Plus weve got Spike to contend with."
"Whatever you want donewe can do," Christian replied.
"Good. Thats very reassuring boys," Ash grabbed a leather jacket from the mantle, headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" asked Edge.
"Get a bite to eat," she snickered. "Im hungry, and this pathetic town awaits. And for desert, wellI was thinking of leaving our little friends a special surprise before the big day tomorrow. You knowfor old times sake"
"You realize that even when she does kill Angel, she still wont be able to cross over," Christian told his brother once Ash was out of hearing distance.
"Im aware." He tossed his sibling one of the young girls he had taken back to the mansion for dinner.
"Then you must also realize that shes going to go after us once she discovers this." Christian eagerly switched into his game face as he tilted the girls neck to the side.
"Well just have to take care of her like before. We killed her oncewe can do it again." Edge began feeding from a second girl. "After all- history does have a way of repeating itself."
"Soumm," Angel was the first to try and break the silence in Buffys living room. "Thanks. You know, for letting me stay here."
"You know you dont have to thank me," she said, inching closer to him. As they stood there staring at each other, both were hit once again with the painful realization of how much they missed and needed the other, now more than ever. Since seeing each other again not too long ago, it had just made everything harder and more painful. God knows how much Angel wanted to take her in his arms, just to reassure himself that she was in fact alive. He didnt think he would ever get over his initial reaction when he received Willows phone call a few weeks ago, even after finding out that they were able to bring her back. A part of him had died with Buffy that night, and deep down he knew that he would ever get it back.
"No tree yet, huh?" he finally broke the silence, searching the house for any signs of the upcoming holiday.
"Ugghif it was up to me wed just decorate a pine cone. Well probably get some mishapen pine-needle-shedding hideous excuse for a tree Christmas Eve. Say, Im kinda hungry. How bout something to eat?" Not waiting for an answer, Buffy led him by the hand into the kitchen. She grabbed a muffin from the counter for herself, then opened the fridge to remove a fresh container of blood. She poured some into a mug and placed it into the microwave, aware of Angels following eyes. "Didnt know you had taken up the habit," he joked, carefully sitting down at a stool.
"Coffee just doesnt do it for me anymore." She softly laughed, retrieving the mug and handing it to him. "Actually, we just keep some here for Spike."
"He hasnt, trust me. He stops by maybe once a week and believe me, thats more than wed all like."
"Cant say I blame you." He went to drink from the mug but upon tasting the warm fluid, he nearly spit it out.
"Whats wrong? " a worried Buffy asked.
"Its got alcohol in it." He took a deeper smell of the concoction. "Smells like whiskey."
"OhhhSpike mustve taken it upon himself to add a little kick to it." Buffy couldnt help but laugh at Angels disgusted face.
"Ohhh.but, how do I know that you just didnt try to ply me with liquor to take advantage of me in my condition," he smiled.
"I never thought that I needed alcohol before to take advantage of you." She smiles a bit, reaching over the table to extend her hand to his shoulder. She knows that he used to tremble at the mere touch of her, and he displays the same feeling and shudders a bit as she gently rubs his back. "How are you feeling? How are your ribs?"
"Buffy," he began, gently grabbing her hand, "never mind about me. How have you been?" He cant begin to imagine what shes been going through since being brought back. "Howve you been dealing?"
Buffy sighs, lowering her glance to the counter. As much as being brought back was eating her up inside, she still hadnt really talked about things with any of her friends. But at that moment, being with Angel seemed to lessen some of the pain. He had really been the only one who ever understood her. Both of them knew it. Without so much as a word or expression, Angel always knew what she was feeling. Finally, she rises out of her silent haven to answer his question. "It justhurts. It hurts all the time now. I didnt want it to be like this, and Im- Im getting scared." Angel quickly moved over to sit next to her along the counter, surprised to see tears welling up in her eyes. "Buffy, its okay." He casually slips an arm around her shoulders, and Buffy immediately pulls herself into his embrace, being careful of his bandages.
"Its not okay, Angel. Its never going to be okay again. I cant-" she leans further into his arms, "I cant feel anything anymore. It hurts to eat, it hurts to even breathe sometimes, and I dont understand any of it. I feel like Im not myself, and I cant do anything about it." She rests against him, finally feeling a sense of warmth and safety for the first time since being back. Angel tried to soothe her, not really knowing what he could say or do to help her. He remembered how happy she said she was. How she had finally found peace. And to be snatched away from that...he couldn't understand how she was able to stand it. <But then, shes always been the strong one. Shes had to go through so much, so fastand I wasnt here to help her these past few years.> He continues to silently scold himself, as Buffy finally eases her grip from around him. "Sorry," she whispers, lifting her head up to face him.
"No need to apologize." He gently brushes away her faint tears, cupping the side of her face with his right hand. "Its good to get all of this out, you know. I mean, Im sure it feels better after youve talked to Willow and Dawn-"
"I havent." Angels hand slowly slides down from her face, shocked that she hasnt talked about what she was going through with any of her friends- family really. "Buffywhy?"
"I cant. They were justso happy to bring me back. I couldnt just tell them Thanks for nothing. They cant understand anywaywhat its like."
"I guess nobody really can." Upon seeing his head lowering towards the floor, Buffy softly lifted his face up to her own. "Except you, Angel." She gently traces her fingers alongside his jaw. "No matter what happens, youre always the one who seems to understand everything about me." Angel gently leans his head forward against hers, closing his eyes as he breathes in her warm, comforting scent. In his mind, he knew that being this close again wouldnt do either one of them any good in the longrun. After they had stopped Ashlan, he would have to return to LA and she would go on in Sunnydale, trying to make sense of the world again. But what he was feeling at that moment outweighed all logic, and his barrier finally broke down. "Its kind of hard not to understand everything about you, when youre all I ever think about." Buffy, relieved and touched to hear this, slowly raised her eyes to meet his own. "Those eyes" she began, gazing lovingly into his soft orbs. "Ill never see in anyone elses what I see in yours," she whispered.
<How am I ever going to get up the courage to ask him?> she asked herself. <C'mon, what's the worst that could happen?> the optimist in her asked, but the pessimist was already ready with her answer- <he could say no, and most likely, he will. How am I ever going to be able to make him see? To make him finally see that the only way my life could ever be complete was if he was here with me, by my side.> She knew that he would be too noble, as usual, to make the first move to their mutual recovery- she was the one who had first taken his hand in hers. But she sensed that her desire to feel his soft lips against hers was matched by his own.
As they sat, staring intently upon one another's face, Buffy shyly trailed her fingers along the side of his face, and nervously smiling up at him, said, in the softest whisper, "AngelI love you." Now, completely ignoring the voice in the back of his mind screaming at him, Angel gently ran his hand through her hair as he bent his head down to softly press his lips to hers. As the kiss drew on, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, only pulling away once to smile up at him. "I love you," Angel sighed, looking down at her smiling face with longing eyes. He pulled Buffy closer against him, softly brushing his fingertips across her cheek as they embraced once more in a kiss. Both slightly timid, they began to deepen the kiss, Angel slowly sliding his tongue into Buffy's welcoming mouth.
When their kiss finally ended a few minutes later, Angel recollected his thoughts and was the first to break the silence. "Buffywhat are we doing here?" <We cant do this. We cant do this knowing that we can never be together. I shouldnt have stayed here. I shouldnt have kissed you. I shouldnt have fallen in love with you- that way I couldnt have always hurt you.> But instead, he let her answer.
"Angel" <God Ive missed saying your name so much.> "I- I want you to stay. After weve taken care of AshlanI want you to stay. I need you to stay." Already seeing him tense up, she held a finger to his lips and continued. "I know, I know" already hearing his lame arguments, "but I also know that its getting so much harder to be apart from you with every passing day. Especially now, I need youso much. Just- just say that youll stay. At least long enough to talk."
"Buffy," he paused, trying with all his might to listen to the rational voice echoing in the back of his mind, "Im not saying that I don't love you, because I love you more than life itself- you know that." Buffy automatically nodded, and he continued. "But...what do I really have to offer you? Nothing but a life of darkness...we've been through this before Buffy. You deserve a normal life." She reaches for him, and hugs him so tightly to herself that he winces in pain.
"Ive never understood how you can even think that. If anything, I don't deserve such a sweet, caring, smart, and loving man as you. And as far as not having anything to offer me, you gave me the greatest gift of my life the day that you first said that you love me." Seeing him still harboring doubt, she pulled slightly away to face him. "Angel, Im never going to have a normal life. Why cant you see that?? My life is so full of complications and terror. But the only thing that ever makes sense to me is youus- together," she stressed. "How can you expect me to have a normal life when you keep taking away the only normal part of it by always leaving me?"
"Means nothing to me. Ive told you that before. And sunlightI spend more of my time in the darkness than I do in the sunlight and Id rather spend my time in the darkness with you. And as far as having children goesI dont want to have any children unless I have them with you. Angel, you are more than everything that any woman could ever want...I just happen to be the lucky one to have gotten to you first. Angel- all I want is you. All Ive ever wanted is you. Just you- here with me. Forever." He gently traced the outline of her face with the back of his hand as he picked up her cue. "Thats the whole point." They sat for a moment, simply enjoying one anothers comfort when Buffy let out a yawn. "Wellwe should probably get some sleep," she said, pulling him up by both arms, leading him up the stairs to her room. As they approach her the bedroom, Angel lets go of her hand and gently kisses her forehead good night. "Where are you going?"
"Downstairs on your couch." He turned, heading for the stairs when he felt her arms encircling his stomach. "Oh no you dont. Youre sleeping in a bed tonight, and, no offense, but I dont think Tara and Will are willing to share theirs, and Dawns a little too young for you. So youre stuck with me tonight." Buffy tried pulling him back into her room but he wouldnt budge.
"Buffy, the couch is fine. You know Im a fast healer, and Ive had worse."
"Look," she got behind him and started trying to push him forward, "whether you like it or not, youre sleeping in my bed tonight." Angel couldnt help but smile at her frustration in trying to move him. "And where are you going to sleep?" Buffy ceased in her pushing and walked back in front of him. "Oh, I dont know. I was thinking of giving the roof a try. Where else would I sleep but in my bednext to you. Ya know," she walked into her room, turning down her sheets, "I dont even know why were arguing here. Either you sleep in the bed, or neither one of us is getting any sleep. Sooo" she patted the spot next to where she was sitting on the bed. Realizing that he was fighting a losing battle with both her and his own weariness, he walked over to her and sat down. "See. Now, was that so hard?" Buffy walked over to her closet and began to undress. Angel automatically turned his back and was staring out of her window when he heard her speak up.
"Yeah. Not exactly what you wouldve expected, right?"
"Well" she finished buttoning her shirt over her head and approached him. "I definitely see the family resemblance around the eyesand teeth," she gently teased. "Come on, bedtime." She took his hand and led him over to the bed. They settled down beneath the covers, and Buffy instinctively pulled herself into Angels welcoming arms. "Goodnight, Buffy" he softly murmured.
"Night, Angel." Buffy snuggled more deeply against Angel. She could not remember being more comfortable in anyone's arms- not even her mother's. No, more than comfortable, it felt natural to be in Angel's arms, as if she was born for this moment. Born for this man. He was so amazingly wonderful. The point of hair that fell so engagingly over the side of his forehead, the breadth of his shoulders, even his strong, gentle hands...all of these and more were starting to make her shiver in breathless anticipation of trying to convince him to rethink his decision. "Angel?" she breathed in the dark. "Promise me youll think about what I said?" For a minute she thought he was already asleepor simply ignoring her, but he finally spoke up. "After everythingwell have time to talk. Get some sleep, Buffy." Somewhat contented, Buffy laid her head against his chest. When Angel thought she had finally dozed off to sleep after a few minutes, he gently kissed her head. "I love you," he whispered, closing his own exhausted eyes. A second later, he heard Buffy sleepily mumble, "I love you more."
"Buffy?? Angel??" Cordelias voice echoed throughout the house, quickly awakening a perfectly relaxed Buffy. As she raised her head off of Angel, she noticed that he was still sound asleep. As she sat up, she gently ran her fingers through his mussed hair in an attempt to wake him. "Angel? Cordy and the guys are here." Slowly, his eyes fluttered open for a short second before he moaned and closed them again. "Angel?" Buffy was wide-awake now, sensing something was wrong. "Are you alright? You dont look too good." He pushed himself up on one arm, holding his head with the other as he finally sat up in bed. "Yeahyeah, I think Im okay. Just a little more sore than I thought." Seeing the apprehension in her eyes, he leaned forward to push a few strands of hair out of her eyes. "Hey- Im okay. Dont worry. By the way, good morning." He crawled out of the bed, waiting for her to get up. "Good morning to you too." Without thinking she stood up on tiptoe to give him a short, but sweet kiss.
"You look rested," Angel said, pulling on one of the shirts he retrieved from his bag.
"Actually, thats the first good nights sleep Ive had in a long, long time. But, no surprise there," she smiled.
As Angel raises his arms while attempting to put the shirt on over his head, the gashes in his stomach send a sharp pain radiating through his whole side. "A little help, Buffy?"
"Oh...I'm sorry Angel, I don't know where my head is. Come here." Angel approaches her, and as Buffy pulls his shirt down over his head, he captures her lips with a soft longing kiss.
"BuffyI love you. You know that, right? I always have, I always will."
"I love you too, Angel", says Buffy as she answers with another kiss. <Maybe this is it. Please Angelcome back to me. Stay with me.> Their kiss finally ends as they hear the door opening.
"Do you two plan on gracing us with your presence any time soon?" Cordelia had ascended the stairs and wasnt too surprised to see them in their loving embrace. <It looks like they had a chance to talk things over.>
"Thank heavens you two are alright," said Wesley, watching Buffy coming down the staircase, Angel and Cordelia not far behind. "For a minute we thought that she wouldve gotten around to you two. Especially after last nights events."
"Why? What happened last night? The fight at the graveyard?" Angel pulled a stool up to the counter, nodding to Willow, Tara, and Dawn who were busy in the kitchen. Willow and Tara began making breakfast, while Dawn was making sure all the blinds were securely shut to keep out the suns rays.
"Where have you two been?" asked a shocked Cordelia.
"Hmmlemme think," Buffy sarcastically pondered. "Oh thats right- sleeping! I do have this crazy knack of doing that from time to time, ya know."
"Oh, sure. Leave us to stay up all night researching about this brand new evil- which really happens to be your problem, considering its your sister, Angel," she emphasized, noticing that he was beginning to doze off on his chair, "while you two get to sleep, which I really doubt was the only thing that you two did last night, considering Angel can barely keep his eyes open." Cordy couldnt have really gotten mad at them though if they actually were up all night drooling over each other. She still had hope that they would make it work. But with Ash loose-
"Cord- youre babbling," Angel interrupted. "What happened last night?" Cordelia handed him the mornings newspaper. "Read for yourself. Your little sisters made the front page." Buffy moved over to Angel and began reading the headline aloud over his shoulder. " Thirteen Bodies Found Dead on the Docks. This happened last night??" Buffy sat in shock at Cordelias nod and read through the article. "It says only a few of the bodies were drained completely. The others were drenched in blood and appeared to beeaten. The police think it happened around dawn."
"My god," breathed an astonished Willow. She had heard some of the stories about Angelus from Buffy, but this act seemed to surpass all others. She placed some pancakes on the dining room table and stole a glance at the picture on the front page. Shed never expected some of them, actually a good number of them, to be children.
"Bloodbath." Buffy and the others gazed up at Angel, who was now holding his stomach with one hand.
"Whats a bloodbath?some sort of relaxation therapy for vampires?" asked Cordelia
"What Ash didlast night" At their questioning glances, he explained. "It wasnt such a rarity for the Brood to go out hunting together. One night, after a party in London, Ash had thought up a new, uh feeding ritual." Angels eyes averted to the counter, wincing from not only his sudden pains, but from the haunting memories of his past. "There were ten or so humans with usAsh took a few off to the side with herslit their throats, while the rest of us would busy ourselves with the others. Ash would pour the blood of her few on our set and wed proceed to make our meal" his words trailed off as he breathed in a sharp pain.
"One of the Broods more cre- creative methods of killing," Giles shakily spoke up.
"You know, I think I just lost my appetite," said Willow. Most everyone else had lost their appetites. However, Xander, not wanting good pancakes to go to waste, sat down with his plate as the others began more research in the living room. "You coming, Angel?" she asked, noticing him starting to slump over the counter. "I just need to sit down for a minute. Thats all. Still a little achy."
"You sure, youre okay? You look a little paleeven for you." Angel nodded, holding his head up with his left arm.
"Find anything useful last night?" Buffy asked upon joining the others.
"Well, there was one thing useful," answered Fred. "Theres really no point in us trying to kill Ashlan. She cant be killed. The only way she can cross over into death is if she can kill the ones who killed her."
"Thats Edge and Christian, correct?" Giles looked up from his own book.
"Yeah, now if we can only tell her that-" *Wham!*
"Angel!" Buffy screamed before racing over to him on the kitchen floor. "Oh god, are you alright?! Whats wrong?!" She noticed a few beads of sweat clinging to his forehead and his eyes held a glazed look.
"Lets get him upstairs to a bed," said Giles, helping her to try and lift him up.
"No," Angel struggled to argue. "Im fine. Ill be fine. I just need to sit down"
"You just collapsed, Angel. Were putting you to bed. I knew something was wrong this morning. You are so stubborn when you want to be. And then you complain when I-"
"Buffy," Wes chimed in, "lets just get him over to the couch." Angel agreed to be led to the couch but was still insisting that he was alright.
"Wheres that dagger I pulled out of you." Giles went in search of the weapon, finally finding it among the books scattered ontop of a desk. He gave it a closer inspection, holding it up to his nose. "Does it feel like poison again, Angel?"
"I- " he suddenly had a sharp pain in his head. "Aggh- Im not sure. I justI dont feelright. And Ive got the chills."
"Well, what do we do, Giles?" Buffys fear and worry was painstakingly evident in her eyes.
"The hospital?" Xander suggested with a mouth full of pancake.
"Great idea," laughed Cordelia. "Well just throw a dead body up on an examination table. Thatll give the doctors a good wake up call, genius. Plus, in case you havent noticed, its 8 in the morning, brainchild. Not exactly the most vampire-friendly time of day."
"Hey, I dont function so well so early, okay. I dont see you coming up with any suggestions."
"You guys!" Buffy yelled. "Can we please skip the sixteen rounds and focus. Giles, whats wrong with him?"
"I dont know, Buffy. Ill have to run a few tests. Willow, Tara? You two could perhaps help?"
"Of course," Tara answered for the both of them, grabbing her bag. "Dont worry," she placed a reassuring hand on Buffys shoulder. "Hell be okay. Well find something to help." Giles, Willow, and Tara left for the magic shop. Meanwhile, Gunn, Fred, and Wes continued their research through some of Giles books and records.
"Xander?" Angel called out, hating to interrupt his breakfast. "Do you think you could hand me my bag? Its by the stairs."
"Yeah, sure." Dropping his fork on his plate, he marched over to the edge of the staircase and picked up Angels black duffel bag. Heading for the couch, he saw that the bag was already open. He reached for the zipper, noticing a bottle of fruit punch Gatorade ontop of some clothes. "Mmmpunchy goodness." He quickly twisted off the cap. "Hey, you dont mind if I steal some of your drink, do ya? Wash the pancakes down?" Not waiting for an answer, he lifted the bottle to his lips.
"Xander, thats not gatorade, its-" The red liquid came spewing out of Xanders mouth as he yelped.
"-blood," Angel finished, a bemused smile upon his face.
"Who the HELL puts blood in a Gatorade bottle???" Xander rushed over to the sink to rinse his mouth out as best he could.
"A vampire who likes to stay inconspicuous?" Angel answered.
"Or one whos really big on recycling," Anya offered.
"Aww man! I think the pancakes are coming up."
"Come on, honey. Lets get you home. Well have some funwith ice cream. That oughta cheer you up."
"So long as its not from Dead Boys freezer," he remarked as they headed out the door. "Id be afraid to ask just what hes got in his container of Strawberry Swirl."
"Here Angel." Dawn handed him a glass of water and knelt down next to the couch where he was laying. "Is there anything I can get you?" Despite his pain, Angel smiled at the young girls compassion. <Takes after her sister.> "Im good, Dawn. Thanks." She pulled herself up and gently kissed his sweaty forehead. "Angel- youre burning up! Are you guys sure youll be fine with him?"
"Yeah. Thanks Dawn. Youd better get going though."
"Are you sure? I mean, something could happen. You might need me for-"
"Nice try, but youre not weaseling out of going to school." <Takes after her sister> Buffy mused to herself. "Well be fineIve got him." Dawn grabbed her bag and headed out the front door, leaving Cordelia and Buffy with Angel.
"Angel, what do you think youre doing? Lie back down." Cordelias hands, as well as Buffys, began to gently shove his shaky frame back down on the couch.
"Im fine- really. I was probably just dizzy or something. I feel a lot-" he slumped back down as quickly as he had managed to get up. He moaned as Buffy and Cordy caught him on both sides, lowering him back down to the couch to rest until Giles had found something.
"Youre staying right here until we know more." Seeing his glance turn a bit angry, Cordelia threw her arms in the air. "Uggh! You try dealing with him, Buffy. Ill go get him a blanket." She raced off towards the stairs, leaving the slayer and her love alone.
Buffy looks down at him as he grabs her hand, squeezing it tightly. He cringes as he tries to move, he manages to choke out, "I'll be fine...its not that bad. Ash probably just put something on the blade, thats all. She hasnt exactly been around to know much about poisons. And I doubt Edge and Christian have that vast of a knowledge, so I wouldnt worry." Buffy smiles at his optimism, knowing that he was probably only saying all this to humor her, but she still smiled at his sweetness. "Do the guys have any new info yet?" Disappointed, she gently shook her head. "Shes not going to stop, Buffy. You realize this, right? Shes going to keep coming until she gets to me, and until Im dead."
"But even if she does kill you, which she wont if I have anything to say about it," she stressed, gripping his hand a little tighter, "she wont cross over."
"But she doesnt know that. If we could just explain that to her- though I doubt shed stop to listen." They sat in silence for a moment before Angel noticed a single tear flowing down Buffys cheek. "Buffy? Whats wrong?"
"I'm just- I couldnt bear it again, Angelseeing you suffer againalmost losing you," she confesses as he softly strokes the back of her hand. He silently thinks back to the last time he was poisoned- graduation. He remembers how much strength and selflessness it mustve taken Buffy to risk her own life for his. He also begins to remember just how hard it was that night after the mayors ascension. Staring at her from the distance, trying to memorize every contour of her body- engraving it into his mind before he had to leave her. <After all this timeI still find something new in her face everytime I see her.> "Im right here." He extends his arm to gently cup the side of her face with his free hand. He tries to explain how much he wants to just get up and touch her--just to hold her in his arms, but he can't... <Not now. Not until weve stopped Ash. Then well talk.> But he can still hold her hand and express all he can through the touch.
The afternoon passes slowly for everyone. Angel managed to sleep for most of the day, only waking up a few times to check on Buffy, who had stayed curled up next to him on a chair.
"Buffy?" Cordy carefully approaches her from behind, craning her head towards the kitchen. Buffy picks up the hint and follows her. "I thought maybe youd be hungry." She placed one of the sandwiches she made in front of her as she took her own seat behind the counter. "How is he?"
"His fever seems to be going down, but hes still shaking. Still pretty pale, too. Thanks," she says, taking a bite of her sandwich.
"Hell be okay, Buffy. Hes been through worseyou and I both know that."
"Cordelia?about what you had said earlier. About Angel being really stressed out and depressed as of late." She had been wondering just what exactly she had been talking about when they first arrived.
After taking a few sips of her drink, Cordelia let out a sigh before proceeding to explain things to Buffy. "I watch him a lot. Sometimes I think he knowssometimes I think hes so preoccupied with everything else to even notice. Its just been a rough couple of weeks, ya know? First with returning from the other dimension. That really threw him out of it. He started losing his grip on the demon. As usual though, through much brooding and isolation, he forced it down again. <I dont think Ill even get into the worst of it> she made a mental note, knowing how Buffy would react if she knew he had tried to kill himself again. "Then this not-so-lawful law firm, Wolfram and Hart, starts giving us problems. Then we find out that Edge and Christian were planning some big feeding frenzy in the city. Then my visions took a turn for the worse," she says with a shutter. "Overall, more than just your typical days at Angel Investigations. Plus" she hesitated for a moment whether to tell Buffy about how much she knew Angel was missing her. Now especially, after getting the news that she was dead- then to hear they brought her back.
"Plus what?"
"He cant take much more of this on his own, Buffy. I mean sure, Gunn and Wesley and Fred and I, were always there for him. I mean, hes the only sense of family I really have. Buthe needs to be with you, Buffy." Now focusing directly on the slayers weary eyes, she made the confession, for both her and Angel- "He needs you."
Looking up at her on the verge of tears, Buffy said, barely above a whisper, "I need him. More than anything. Hes still the first thing I think about when I wake upand the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night," she admitted, a quiver in her voice. Cordelia reached across the counter, placing a warm, comforting hand over her friends. "Did you two get a chance to talk last night?"
"Yeah," she solemnly replied. "Not that its going to do much good if hes poisoned again-"
"Hes going to be fine," Cordelia assured her once again. "Sowhats the verdict? Did he finally come to his senses, or do we have to chain him up and both knock some sense into him?" she asked, trying to make light of things.
"The chaining him up part definitely has possibilities," Buffys sudden smile radiated throughout the kitchen.
"I so do NOT need that mental picture of you two and your escapades," Cordy laughed. "But I am glad to hear things went well last night. So, its safe to say you guys are back to a permanent basis?" she hopefully asked. "I mean, whats up? What else was there last night?"
"A lot of holdingsome cryingsome kissing," she blushed slightly.
"Some kissing? Theres never just some kissing with you two."
"I know," she smiled, staring off into the living room, her eyes fixated on her love, resting soundly, at last, on the couch.
******
"Hey Dawn, wait up! You doin anything tonight? Maybe we could catch a movie or somethin."
"Actually, Ive got family visiting, Jeff. And for once, I actually get along with them." Dawn slowed in her pace to wait for the teenager to catch up with her. "Ill definitely take a rain check, though."
"You bet," he smiled. "Can I give you a call? Maybe tomorrow night if you can manage to sneak away from the family for awhile?"
"Sure." Dawn finished at her locker, anxious to get home to check on Angel and the others. As she watched Jeff trot down along the hall to his locker, she caught a glimpse of a face she swore she recognized slowly walking in the opposite direction. "It cant be," she said aloud. <But then againshed be able to, right?> Not taking time to ponder her options, Dawn followed the figure down the hall from a short distance behind. After turning the corner to the empty, dead end corridor of lockers, the figure seemed to have vanished into thin air. "Either that or she can walk through walls-"
"You know, I never did try-" Ash grabs Dawn from behind and locks her arms around her head "-but Ive always found that a person can do anything once they put their mind to it."
******
"She should have been back by now." Buffy, as well as the rest of the gang, was now in severe worry mode. <If I find out that she stopped off at a friends house or went shopping, I swearShe should know better than thisespecially with everything thats going on!> 4:45pm. It was only an hour before sundown, and neither Dawn, nor Giles, Willow, and Tara had returned. Angel was now up and about, albeit relatively slower than usual with the occasional pain, and was discussing where they would go searching that night for Ash.
"Im willing to bet that theyve stationed themselves at the mansion."
"But what about the docks?" Wes asked. "Most of her activities seem to be emanating from that area. A sort of safe haven, perhaps?"
"So whats the biggie?" asked Gunn. "We split up, find her, and dust her. Plain and simple."
"Its not that simple," Angel said. "Even if we do find her, she cant be killed until she kills Edge and Christian. So weve got to get to them first."
"Well wherever she is," uttered Fred, "theyre bound to be. I mean, theres no way theyre going to let her out of their si-" the swinging open of the front door interrupted her.
"Guys! Did you find anything?" asked Buffy, standing up to greet her friends. "Waitis Dawn with you?"
"No," answered Willow, "we havent seen her since this morning. Why?"
"She never came home from school," said Angel, approaching the three from behind Buffy.
"Maybe shes at one of her friends houses?" asked Tara.
"We called a few," said Anya form her seat next to Xander. "Nobodys seen her since this afternoon at school."
"Ugh! This isnt like her. Wellactually, it is, but- I mean, youd think with everything going on" Buffy paused for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. "Giles, did you guys find anything about the poison?"
"Actually, we did. The poison Ashlan used is rarely lethal"
"Thats great!"
"Umyes, but uh- it was mixed with what appears to be dead blood, which is umve- very lethal to a vampire," Giles stuttered.
"This day just keeps getting better and better," Angel mumbled, suddenly clutching his side as he slumped over the table. Buffy rushed to his side in an instant, steadying him before Giles continued.
"Angel was exposed to it in such a small dosage that I really dont think it will turn out to be lethal in his case, but still- you need to rest, Angel."
"Yeah man," Gunn reaffirmed. "Youre staying here while we all split up. Wes- grab some gear and lets go."
"Where are you two headed?" asked Cordelia.
"The mansion. Well check it out first, then head over to the docks. With any luck, we might be able to-"
"Im not letting the two of you go out there all alone," Angel said. He quickly loosened himself from Buffys grip and grabbed his leather jacket from the couch. "Ill check out the docks. You two stick to the mansion."
"Angel-" Wes knew in the back of his mind that there was no point in trying to reason with the vampire, but still made an honest attempt.
"For the last time, Im fine. Just stake out the mansion. You find anything, you call me on my cell. Dont move in until I get there."
"Correction-" Angel turned to see Buffy standing behind him, jacket on, and stake in hand. "Dont move in until we get there." Seeing his aggravated face, Buffy didnt even give him the chance to argue. "The two of us will take the docks. The rest of you stay here in case Dawn shows up or calls. And if she does, tell her Im going to kill her when we get back." The four of them headed out the door in opposite directions, all the while unable to shake the feeling of dread that was filling all their minds.
"Great. So while theyre all out playing wargames, were stuck here."
"Xander, come off it," Cordelia spoke up. "Why dont you eat somethingat least that way youll have your mouth gagged to keep any more mindless dribble from spilling out."
"Man, the hell with this! Just cause Dead Boys back with his boy scout troop, all of a sudden Buffy doesnt need us? Im gone." He got up from the couch headed straight for the back door.
"Where are you going?" Cordelia asked, grabbing him by the arm before he could reach the door.
"Down to the docks to help-"
"Ooooothat would be very low on the idea meter," came a voice from the now flung open door.
Cordelia yelled for Giles as Xander raced to the living room in search of a crossor a stake- whichever he saw first.
"Ashlan," Cordy managed to get out, taking in a good look of her. Her black hair was still as wet as Buffys earlier description. The knee length leather jacket she wore blended perfectly with her leather pants and black long-sleeved crew shirt.
"You know, you really shouldnt leave doors unlocked like this. Just about anyone can walk right in."
"You werent invited in." Cordelia tried to inch her way backwards into the living room. From the proximity, she could hear glass breaking and the others screaming. She could only assume that Ashlan had brought others with her.
"Oh yeah- that whole thing. Being half-human and all, I get immunity. Lucky me, eh?" Just then, Xander raced over to Cordy, shielding her behind him as he held a cross before him. "Get back!" In his other hand he held a small bottle of holy water and began to splash some on her. Ash, for amusement, played along with the game, wincing away from the holy object.
"Yeahhow ya like me now you littlepunk," Xander boasted. Before he knew it, Ashs hand was wrapped around his throat, lifting him in the air. Still managing to hold onto the cross, Xander tried to shove it in front of her again, but was shocked to see her hand clasped around its center. Suddenly, the cross began to glow with its newly acquired kinetic energy.
"It doesnt work on me, kid," Ashlan laughed. She took the glowing cross from him, staring off into the living room where a group of her vampires had already knocked out Giles, Anya, Fred, Willow, and Tara. Their limp bodies laid lifeless over their shoulders as they were carried out of Buffys house. Slamming him as hard as she could against the wall, Ashlan proceeded to knock out Xander before using the charged cross to do the same to Cordelia.
"Now comes the fun part," she laughed into the darkness of night.
******
"Looks pretty empty." Buffy, stake in hand, stared off into the distance, observing Angel walking towards one of the abandoned warehouses on the pier. "What? What do you see?"
"Look here," he pointed to the side of the warehouse, waiting for her to catch up to him. Buffy neared the building and, walking off to the side entrance, caught a glimpse of what Angel had seen.
"What the hell?" Buffy gasped. The entire wall was plastered in blood with a huge image of Ashlans ankh. "Okay, what is so important about that damn thing anayway?"
"It- it was our mothers," Angel muttered. "It was the only thing I had left of her after" his voice trailed off, his mind pushing back down the memories of his family. "I dont even know why he kept it," he said, referring to his darker side, "but, it was the last thing he gave Ashlan before being cursed"
Lambeth Palace, London: 1890
~~~"What a joke." Angelus led his sister out the door of the grand hall. "To think we wasted a perfectly good night hunting after those those- those- "
"Rich bitches?" Ashlan offered him.
"Not exactly what I was going for. More like, moronic simpering snobs. I tell you, Ive had it with London."
"Well, it beats running around through the bourgeoise life in Paris."
"You can say that again, Ash" he smiled at her. "You can say that again," he laughed, nudging her shoulder as they sat down on a nearby stone bench. "Ive got a lil present for you," he said, handing her a small box. As she took the gift in her hand, she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you." Ashlan lifted the lid to reveal a small silver cross on a chain. Seeing the holy symbol, she automatically flinched away, averting her eyes. Quickly replacing the lid, she turned to her brother.
"You know, if you wanted to be rid of me, you could have just said something. A cross! What kind of a gift is this?" Angel couldnt help but laugh.
"First of all, its not a cross- its an ankh. And second of all- just look." Angel lifted the boxs lid once more, picking up the charm by its silver chain and dangled it before her eyes. "Even if it was a cross, it wouldnt hurt you because youre only half-vampire. Here-" He hooked the necklace around her neck. "I think it adds a certain something."
"Where did you swipe this from," she chuckled.
"It was our mothers," he replied. "I think shed want you to have it."~~~
Buffy casually slipped her arm around Angels and clasped her hand into his as they walked closer toward the warehouse in silence. Their footsteps and the water lapping at the pylons beneath them were the only sounds heard until
"Bloody hell! What do you call that?" Spike chuckled to himself, descending from the stack of crates he was perched upon high above the two.
"Id call it blood, Spike" answered Angel with sigh. "I suppose youd write it off as grafitti?"
"Lil sis been busy, I take it?" He approached the two, and the three continued to search the rest of the pier. "Heard about the Bloodbath here last night?" At Angels nod, he continued. "Brings back memories. Reminds me of the good old days. It was such an art in those days, ya know? You know what Im talking about, man" he nodded towards his sire.
"Actually, no Spike. But you cant really go by me- I have morals."
"No worries. I wont hold that against you. All Im saying is that in those days, a vampire had to be clever for many reasons." Both Angel and Buffy couldnt help but roll their eyes at his eccentric nature. "Now all one needs is a pair of fangs to get by-"
"Spike," Buffy interrupted him, "you wouldnt happen to know where Dawn is, would you?"
"No, havent seen her since last night. Why?"
"She never came home from school," answered Angel, retrieving his cell phone from the inner pocket of his jacket. "Im gonna call Wes. He and Gunn shouldve been at the mansion by now. Its been over an hour." He began to dial, but was suddenly overcome with a fierce chill. As she watched him place his phone back into his pocket, Buffy sensed something was wrong. "Angel?"
"Just stay on your guard." Buffy quickly turned at the sound coming from another stack of crates by the piers edge. "Over there," she whispered. The three cautiously made their way over, only to be caught from behind by a group of vamps.
"You three really shouldnt be out this time of night," said one, knocking Spike to the ground first with a kick to the back of his head.
"Dont you know the freaks come out to play around this time," another spoke up, delivering a sharp blow to Buffy.
"Playtimes over." Buffy quickly recovered, plunging her stake through the first vamp. The three continued trying to fight them all off, but soon found that they were pretty well outnumbered. As he mangaed to dust another, Spike took notice of the five vamps headed in Angels direction, attempting to sneak up behind him. "Angel!" he called out, but it was too late.
Angel knocked down the vamp he was currently fighting, finally turning around at Spikes shout. As he turned, one of the larger vamps caught him with a massive kick- sending him into the wall of the warehouse. Before he can think, the other four vamps grab him, pulling him away from the wall to come face to face with Ashlan. "Angel!" Buffy called out to him, helplessly watching as Edge and Christian had now emerged and, along with the rest of their crew, held her and Spike back. "Easy now, slayer," grinned Edge. "Wouldnt want to ruin the show, would you?"
"You goons have no idea who youre messing with," Buffy sternly said.
"On the contrary. Youve got a very important role to play in this little drama of ours," said Christian.
"We intend on punishing Angel for what happened to Ashlan-" Edge began.
"Dont you mean what you two did to her-" Buffys face was knocked to one side with a hard punch from Edge as he tried to silence her. "And you my dear, would not want to miss this for the world." Buffys head slowly rolled up to see Christian plunge the needle he held into both her and Spike. "Its only after weve lost everything-" Edge smirked, "-that were free to do anything," his sibling finished for him, withdrawing the needle from Buffy. Wincing, she heard Angel call out to her. Ashlan neared her brother, drawing her arm back, a wrench in hand. "Angel," Buffy whispered before the effects of the drug took over.
"Its judgement day." With Ashs three words, Angels world went dark
******
Be what you wanna be
See what you wanna see
Youre going to anyway
Take what you need from me
All that youll ever be
Is something so crazy
And you can find another side to be on
If you wish you can
Or you can choose the other way
Cause it is right there in your hands
What youre wasting is what youre chasing
And its right there in your hands
Angel heard a loud noise in the corridor of the mansion. Struggling to open his eyes, he could barely make out a black cage through the blurriness. "Angel? Angel, can you hear me?" Instantly recognizing Giles voice, Angel, trembling all over and leaning on his right arm, tried to push himself off of the cold cement. "Giles?" He was unable to utter another word. Giles could not elicit any coherent respose from him after that. Angel was afraid he would collapse if he tried to get up any further, but he pressed on, dragging himself over to the bars of the cage.
As he neared it, he noticed the rest of his friends all enclosed within the steel, Buffy seemingly knocked out. <Oh god, Buffy!> With a final attempt, he collapsed to the ground, at the foot of his sister, now positioned between himself and his imprisoned friends. His eyes fully open and adjusted, Angel looked up at her. Fully taking her presence in, she struck him as a shadow of his former self. This apparition left Angel plunged in cruel suffering which kept tears at bay. Everything seemed irreparably gloomy to him. This was the cruelist moment he had experienced since the crime he witnessed against her. He had just laid eyes upon his sister, now doing the bidding of her own murderers.
"Feeling any better?" Ash asked him, laughing at his attempts to get up. Mustering up some remnants of strength, Angel reached out to grab her but failed in his attempt. "What do you think?" he groaned.
"I think perhaps you got what you deserved."
"Ashyou need help. I dont knowwhat these clowns, ugh-" he managed to finally pull himself up "told you, but-"
"Ive got all the help I need, brother. Come this time tomorrow night, these guys are gonna have their run of this disgusting city, and Ill finally know peace." She carelessly walked over to the lit fireplace as Angel took notice of the situation. <Friends all in a cage; most importantly, Buffy is in the cage; twenty or so vamps that I can see- oh yeah, no pressure here.> Ashlans voice broke him from his thoughts. "Do you knowhow completely tormenting its been these past hundred years underwater? Nothing to do; this might come as a surprise, but fish arent much on talking. Not that I couldve heard them anyway, considering Ive been DEAD!!" she yelled, turning around to face him.
"Ash let them go," he pleaded, motioning towards the cage.
"I wouldn't be too concerned about them. They're well, and alive, for the time being."
"I'm warning you-"
"Your threats hold no power here."
"You have no idea what you're doing."
"What would you know of that?" she laughed.
"I know you. I know the things youve donethe people youve killed, and not just years ago."
"And who are you, of all people to judge? Nowit's your turn to listen. To know my pain, my grief, my torment at being torn away. But it wasn't only me...there were others. You- you've been betrayed, brother. You call them your family," she walked over to the cage. "But it was really us who were your real family. The only ones you could trust. We are the ones who care for you. I loved you...I worshiped you. You were
the only father I ever knew." Angel passed her a blank stare. "You don't believe me, do you?"
"What would you have me believe? That you once loved, and are now capable of this?"
"It really makes little difference to me. Now is the time for retribution." At that moment, the drug finally lost its effect and Buffy slowly roused. Her senses and the memories of the past few hours rushed through her mind, along with a single thought, "Angel?" she moaned.
"Ahh. Just in time, slayer. Wouldnt want you to miss all the excitement." At her command, Edge and Christian grabbed a still weakened Angel from behind, holding him by both arms down on his knees as Ash approached him. "The guys here filled me in on a lot of things that Ive missed out onyou know, from being dead and all." She glanced in Buffys direction before turning her attentions back to him. "A vampire and a slayer in love- how touching." Pulling herself up, Buffys hands wrapped around the bars of the cage, trying to force the door open. "I wouldnt do that if I were you" Ash warned her, walking over and placing one of her own hands on the bars.
"Oooo...notice me tremble." Buffy was too focused on pushing against the door with as much strength as she had regained she didnt notice when the bars began to glow a bright orange. She flinched back as the heat seared both her hands, as well as Xanders back.
"Hey! That really burns! And this is my favorite shirt, too." Xander cuddled up to Anya and the rest of the gang as Buffy, still wringing out her hands approached the front of the cage, watching as Ash simply smirked at them and paced back over to a helpless Angel.
"Welcome to our nightmare, slayer," Edge laughed alongside his younger brother.
"Edge and Christian also filled me in on why youre so goody-goody all of a sudden. Cursed with a nice little soul, are we? You- the Scourge of Europe. HmmIm guessing having a soul doesnt help much in the killing department, does it? Nowlet's see. We have before us a plethora of oportunities...none of them however are benefitial to you." The two brothers laughed, tightening their grip on Angel. "Do we fight, and I kill you? Do I simply serve both you and your friends to my gang here as a full course meal by means of a bloodbath? Do I kill you first as an appetizer and then...stop me if you're sensing a pattern here," she smiled, slipping into her game face.
"Let them go, and you can have just me. Thats what you really want." <Just buy some time. Get the rest of them out of here before anything happens.>
She couldnt help but laugh at his proposition. "Now that is something. Who are you trying to fool- me or yourself. Do you think I believe for a moment that youre actually happy with this thing you call a life? I mean, from what the guys here have been telling me, youre a demon on the edge, brother. Attempted suicide usually isnt the clearest indication of a happy life." Angels head lowered at the revelation. Ash circled her brother, leaning over his shoulder, smiling at Buffys reaction to the news.
<NoAngelwhy?> Buffys mind raced trying to make sense out of what Ashlan just said. <Why didnt he tell me? Why didnt Cordelia tell me??> her mind groaned. <I swear, if Im alive tomorrow, she wont be.>
"Take a good look at them, Angelus," she nodded towards the cage. "Dont think for a solitary minute that any of them actually care about you. To them, youre just a whining coward of a vampire who was dealt an unlucky hand. You dont even count to them. You could disappear off the face of this earth, and it would make no difference to any of them."
She circled him again so that they were face to face once more. "Still willing to sacrifice yourself for them? Why don't you give me a minute to think about that, hmm?" She turned her back to him, taking a few steps towards where Buffy and the others were staring on in the cage. "Aww hellIve never been very patient-" she snapped around, grabbed Angel by the throat and proceeded to drink from him.
"Angel!!" Buffy screamed, almost breaking her arm alongside the rest of her friends who were all trying to burst the door open. As Angels head was pulled back further by Edge and Christian, giving Ashlan better access, he could feel more of his strength being drained along with his blood. Pausing for a moment, Ash lifted her head from his neck and motioned for Edge and Christian to release their holds. Before Angel could collapse on the floor, she grabbed him by the hair, staring purposefully into his eyes. "The only clear memory that I have of you dear brother is the look you had on your face watching me die. Such agony in those cold eyes of yours. I suppose it wasnt painful enough, was it? Your chosen form of execution?"
"Them," Angel barely breathed out. "They were the oneskilled you," his eyes trailed over to the two brothers, now pacing in front of the cage, making sure there was no means of escape.
"After all these years," she said, ignoring his revelation, "I still long to see that look of pure agony frozen upon your face-" she reached down to drain him completely but Angel managed to avert her and gets in a good left hand, sending her dropping to the ground. Surprised by his sudden burst of strength, Ash allows her anger to take over and she hops up off the floor. "Oh, that was good-" Ashlan kicks Angel in the side with a hard kick to the ribs, and he groans from pain, his ribs were soft already from the beating he took at the hands of the remaining Brood. "-not good enough, though." Ashlan laughs again, knowing that she's found her brother's soft spot. Ashlan picks Angel up and, without really thinking, throws him into the cage. The force of the impact was just enough to finally bust the lock on the door, freeing the slayer and their friends.
"Welcome to my nightmare, boys." Buffy dives for Edge, knocking him into Christian as the others all spread out to take care of the rest of the Broods minions. Buffy quickly rushes to Angels side, pulling him up as carefully as possible. "Are you alright?"
"Get Edge and Christian," he whimpers. "Ill get Ash." Buffy reluctantly agrees, not wanting to leave his side after having been forced to watch his small form of torture. She heads for the other two while Angel turns, only to find Ash right behind him. She knees Angel in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him, and drives right hands to his eye.
The two exchange a few blows until Angel manages to catch her with a quick roundhouse. From her position on the floor, Ashlan finds a wrench and smashes the tool into the side of Angel's rib cage, his ribs cracking as he collapses to the cold floor, in immense pain. Ashlan grins and continues to ram the tool into his side as Angel groans from the sudden pain. As he doubles over, Ash takes a moment to look up at Edge and Christian getting the better of Buffy. She smiles with pride as she sees Christian hand his brother a rope and the two begin trying to tie the young slayer up. Without warning though, Ash keels over, a massive pain surging through her head. The memories of that night begin replaying in her mind
Coramsfield, London: 1898
~~~"Its time for justice, little one." Edge and Spike began to tighten the rope around her.
"What are you doing? Angelus!! Angelus!!"
"Hes not going to be much help, Ashlan." Christian appeared alongside his brother, holding back Angel on the ground~~~
Ash winces on the ground, her body trembling from the images flashing before her eyes. Averting his eyes from Ashs struggling on the floor, Angel rushed over to help Buffy fend off Edge and Christian. Catching him from behind, Angel pulls Christian off of Buffy, and throws him directly into the wall. Quickly recovering, a frustrated Christian charged directly for Angel but was met with a stake to the heart. Hearing his only brother scream in pain, Edge relinquished his hold on Buffy, turning around just in time to see him crumble to a pile of dust
~~~"Angelus!" she yelled, finally seeing her brother. "Oh god! Whats going on!" she whimpered.
"Edge! Leave her alone! Leave her aloneshes just a child."
"So was our sister!" he yelled. "And at least poor Alaana wasnt tainted like this hybrid!"
"How did you know that she-"
"Oh, Ill take credit for that," Spike smiled, tightening another rope around his sire.
"Spike!" Angel growled, trying to reach the traitor.
"Lets just sayyouve both outgrown your usefulness"~~~
"No!" Ash let out an earth shattering scream, tears pouring from her eyes as she felt the sensation of the rope being tightened around her body. Her body wreathed violently as she was experiencing death all over again.
Seeing Edge distracted by his brothers demise, Buffy managed to loosen her ropes and scrambled to find another stake. Edge quickly lunges for Angel, spearing him to the ground and plunging his fist against his face. Not wasting a minute, Edge drags him up off the cement and slams Angel, face-first through the nearby wooden table, cracking it into planks surrounding the carcass of the bruised and bloodied vampire. Angel rolls over and grabs the side of his ribs in utter pain. "This is it, Angel," laughs Edge, kicking away some of the debris as he nears him. "How does it feel" he picks up one of the splintered ready-made stakes, "to know youre going to die?" He lifts the stake above his head with both arms-
"He wouldnt know, blondie." As he feels the sudden impact from behind, Edge drops his stake, looking down to see the wooden handle protruding through his chest. Shifting slightly, he looks down at Angel as he tries jiggling the object. "Ohits- its not that bad really," he shrugged. Upon closer examination, he finally noticed that the handle had pierced his heart. "I was wrong" he trailed off, finally turning into dust.
"Angel," Buffy kneeled down, lifting his head into her arms. "Are you alright? Godyoure head." She traced a hand alongside the gash on his forehead. Forcing himself into a sitting position, Angel pulls her into his arms. When they finally pull away from each other, he sees her bruised forehead and cuts. "I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispers. She looks up at him, softly staring into his sorrowfilled eyes, and carefully grabs his face in her hands. She softly kisses his forehead, and then his lips. "I love you," she says, pulling him into another strong hug. He winces a bit before Buffy helps him stand, supporting him on her shoulders.
"Are you two alright?" Giles rushed over to them after staking the last of the Broods members. The rest of the gang had sustained only a few minor injuries. Buffy nodded. "No fuss, no muss. What about you guys?" The others circled around the two to check on them.
"Angel!" Cordelia yelled, shocked by her bosss seriously wounded condition. "Are you alright?"
"Illbe fine, Cordy," he moaned, wrapping his free arm around her as she embraced him. Looking over her shoulder, he saw that Ashlan was still lying on the ground. "Ash..." he watches his sister, still writhing on the floor in pain, her eyes shut trying to block the searing images. "She's remembering..." he says aloud.
Angel slips from Buffys and Cordy's grasp, carefully bending over Ashlan, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Ashlan?" The young girl looks up at him with teary eyes. "Angelus?" As he kneels down, grabbing his stomach in pain, he's taken aback when Ash, zeroing in on his eyes, grabs his head on both sides with her hands. In an instant, Angels mind, along with Ash, begins to replay the final moments of that dreadful night
~~~"Im sorry. Im sorry, Im so-" she pleaded to her brother.
"Its not your fault. Look at me- its not your fault. Do you understand?"
"What about Angelus?" asked Christian.
"Pain is our power" replied Edge. "Leave him. Now that he has his precious soul back, this will just be another memory hell have to carry with him for the rest of his eternity." Edge laughed as he moved in closer to the young girl with his knife.
"No, nome first" Christian switched places with his brother and quickly dug into Ash with his own dagger. Edge took his turn having his way with the now almost unconscious girl. As he saw the brothers raise their guns, Angel began thrashing against his ropes, screaming as tears sprang to his eyes seeing the only surviving member of his family being forced to endure so much pain.
"Dont!No! Aaahhh!" Angel sobbed hearing the two guns being fired. Ashlan breathes her last breathe as a trickle of blood slides down her cheek and even more pours from her stomach and chest. Knocking Angel out with a brick to the back of his head, the brothers departed from Spike, carrying the blood soaked, lifeless body with them~~~
Ashs hands came flying off of her brothers head as she flinched backwards, feeling the bullets piercing her chest. With a final yell, Ashlan collapses onto the floor beside her already unconscious brother.
******
"How do we know hes alive?" Xander asked. "Well, I mean- as alive as Angel gets?" Since it was still night, the friends had moved both Angels and Ashlans unconscious bodies to Buffys house. Giles, Buffy, and Cordelia had attended to their wounds and both were laid out in the living room- Angel on the more comfortable couch, Ashlan lay prone on the floor.
"Xander!" Anya snapped.
"What? I mean look at him- he looks like a tumor lying over there. He doesnt breathe, so no help there. We cant exactly check for a heartbeat. In all practical sense, hes-" Anya silenced him with a jab to his stomach. "-going to be fine," she finished for her fiancee.
"Ya know, as much as I hate to admit it, Angel's the one person who's always been there for each of us whenever we really needed him," Xander conceded. "Even me. And I always took him for granted." Cordelia couldnt help but smile at her former boyfriends sincerity.
"Xander, don't do this to yourself- you take everybody for granted," she consoled him.
"What about her?" Dawn asked, motioning towards Ashlan. "Were not just gonna leave her here are we?"
"What else are we supposed to do with her?" Wesley asked. "Call the police, send her to jail?"
"It seems like a viable option," Fred chimed in.
"Well, for starters, we could tie her up and give me twenty minutes alone with her in the basement once she wakes up," said Dawn.
"Yeah. At least we know shes alive cause shes breathin. Now Dead Boy on the other hand-"
"Dawn," Buffy interrupted Xanders rant, "if anybody gets first crack at her, its me."
"Get in line, slayer," Spike added. "That lil twerps got a death wish and she chose the right guy to answer it for her, and fast!"
"Spike- spare us the Steven Segal revenge getup."
"Besides," Wes spoke up, "how exactly would you be able to attack her, with having your chip and all? Shes half-human, remember?"
"Ohright. Wellthe painll be worth it."
"Look, none of us are going to do anything before we get the go ahead from Angel. Got it, Dawn?"
"After she kidnapped me from school!" Buffy sat up from her chair, passing her little sister a weary smile as she made her way over to Cordelia. "Cordy, can I talk to you for a minutein the kitchen."
"Sure." <Shes gonna kill me. Why did Ashlan have to go and open her big mouth. Great- and I havent even gotten that raise Angel promised me yet.> Cordelia and Buffy left for the kitchen.
"Would you like something to drink? Ya know, maybe a final diet soda before I kill you!" Buffy was on the verge of a rant, and Cordy knew not to even bother trying to interrupt. "Why? Why didnt you tell me? What, you didnt think I was important enough to tell? It doesnt matter if Im told that the man that I love more than life itself has lost his will to live??"
"Technically, Angel doesnt really live. To live, hed have to be alive, and you and I both know tha-" Cordy glanced up to see a very pissed slayer. "Okay, Im shutting up now."
"Thats one of the smartest moves youve made since you got here." Buffy began pacing in her kitchen, glancing every so often into the living room to see if Angel had awoken yet. "Just because Im not in his life on a daily basis doesnt mean that I shouldnt know about" she trailed off, her emotions rushing throughout her.
"Buffy," Cordy began, hoping Buffy wouldnt interrupt her, "Im sorry. Im sorry that I didnt tell you earlier, but I had good reason not to. I knew how you would react, and with everything happening, it didnt think it would be best for either of you right now." She walked over to her friend, placing an unsure hand on her shoulder. "I know how much you love him. And youre right, I shouldve told you. But- I just couldnt bring myself to do it- to cause you two any more pain." At Buffys somewhat confused face, Cordelia explained.
"Buffy, Ive seen what you and Angel have gone through. All the heartache, all the sacrifices. No matter how deeply you two have always and will always love each other, there always seems to be something trying to rip you two apart for good. I just didnt want to be one of the things inflicting any more pain on either one of you by bringing this up. I love you both too much."
"Cordy" she was at a loss for words. "No matter how much pain is involved, no matter how much heartache, I need to know when something huge is happening in Angels life. Angelhe is my life."
"I know that. But- Buffy you shouldve see him. On top of the roof of the hotel just before dawn. He even had a stake with him, just in case something somehow prevented sunrise again like the last time." Buffy gently nodded, remembering that Christmas morning that seemed so long ago.
"Why?" she asked through her tearing eyes. "Why did he get so bad? How?"
"Because of you. Buffy, since he arrived in LA, you were the one thing that kept him going, but you were also the one thing that dragged him down. You know, I I finally realized something after watching him when he gets in full brood mode so many times." As Cordy pauses for the words, Buffy can't help but notice the sincerity in her eyes. "You two are a part of each other, and no matter what anybody does, nothing's going to change that truth, and I've always believed that you shouldn't mess with something as strong as that, because it's a losing battle. Unfortuntely, Angel tried to mess with that when he left you for your own good " she accented her final words with quotations in the air. "Its been hell for him Buffy. Especially after Thanksgi-" Cordy stopped herself, not knowing whether to press on.
"After what? Cordelia, tell me," she demanded. With a heavy sigh, Cordelia began to tell Buffy what she was told by Doyle about the day that wasnt. Everything about the Mohra demon, the Oracles, Angels short-lived humanity. She didnt even skimp on the details of Buffys and Angels day together in bed- and on the kitchen table, despite the accompanying mental pictures which she was still trying to block out. She even told Buffy about her fears of being fired knowing that once he was human, he and Buffy would be able to have a life together, and she and Doyle wouldve gotten the boot. Then came the hardest part- telling her how Angel had given up his chance at humanity to save her life. When she had finally finished, Buffy sat in awe for a few moments before words came to her again.
"Ever since I came back from that first visitIve had dreams about it. Falling asleep in his armskissing him in the sunlighteven the kitchen table rings a bell or two." She noticed the brunette flinch at the image. "I cant believe he gave upoh god, Angel," a tear escaped her eye. "Why didnt he tell me any of this?"
"He wanted you to move on. He was the only one to keep the memories. I think that whole deal didnt help his depression level much."
"Move on?" she laughed. "Why cant he understand that I cant move on? Im not supposed to move on. Out of the few dates Ive had since he left, none of them even come close to him. No one ever will."
"I know. Buffy, like I said, Im sorry. But I hope that you two take advantage of everything now that its all been put pretty well into perspective."
"Thanks Cordelia." The two embraced in a warm hug until Giles voice came streaming through the living room. "Buffy! Cordelia! Angels waking up." The girls rushed into the living room, Buffy taking a seat next to him.
As Angel opens his eyes, he sees Buffy in the chair next to him feeling her hand in his. He gathers up enough strength to speak, "Buffy? What happened?" he asks as his voice begins to crack. Buffy grasps Angel's hand and leans over him to gently kiss his tender lips. "Youll be alright. Everybodys herethe Broods all been dusted, and Ashlan is here."
"Shes here?" He sits up on the couch, tossing the blanket covering him to the floor. He buries his head in his hands as he leans over to see Ash lying on Buffys floor. "Are you okay, Buffy?" he asks her, leaning his forehead against hers.
"Yeah" she whispers, taking his hands into her own. Their peaceful moment is broken as Buffy begins to hear movement from below her. The two separate as they watch Ash slowly push herself up off the floor, groaning in pain. When she finally remembers what happened and realizes where she is, she crawls back against the nearest wall, using it as a base to stand up completely. "Where- where are they?" she growls.
"Who?" Cordelia asks.
"Edge. Christianwhere are they? Still at the mansion?"
"Welltechnically they are. They may just be a step up from soot right now, but their ashes are still at the mansion," Xander answered her.
"Theyve been killed?" she asked, not wanting to believe it.
"Yeahslow much?" Xander spoke again. "Ill tell you this much, Dead Boy," he said, walking past Ashlan towards Angel, "you definitely got the brains in your family." Ash slid down against the wall, dazed by what she had just been told. <Dead. Theyre dead. And Im stuck here.> "How did it happen?" she asked, looking at Xander.
"I believe the credit goes to our resident slayerand of course, everybodys favorite vampire," he added, nodding his head up at Angel. Ashlans eyes wandered around the spacious room, from person to person, before she finally laid eyes on her brother and the slayer. "Im stuck here," she whispered.
"Come again?" Willow asked.
"Im trappedhere. I can never go back now," she spoke up a bit louder. "You," she pointed to Angel and Buffy. "The both of you" she stood up, holding her stomach as she walked directly over to Angel, who had now placed Buffy behind him, shielding her from whatever he expected to unfold between him and Ash. Ash peered fiercely into her brothers eyes, unable to hold back her anger and frustrations any longer.
"Bastard!" she shouted, throwing a series of right punches at him, which Angel easily blocked merely holding up his left arm. "It shouldve been you!! Its your fault! If you hadnt killed them" she began punching harder, "Id be able to be sent back! If you had tried saving meif youd never killed AlaanaId still be alive!" After a few more punches, Ash finally tired and Angel grabbed her arm. "If I could have given my life for yours, I would have," he told her. She was taking a few deep gulps of breath to steady herself as Angel finally released his grip on her.
As the others looked on at the current situation, Angel waved an arm, signaling them to just let things play out, but be on guard. Buffy made an attempt to approach her, but ceased in her tracks when she felt Angels arm circle around her, holding her back. It was Tara who finally broke the groups silence.
"Are you some kind ofof a ghost?" she timidly asked. Ash, turning around, slowly walked up to Tara sitting on the couch with Willow and Dawn. Moving close enough to her so that she was right in Taras face, Ash simply leaned over, switched into her game face, and growled "Boo." Tara flinched back for a second, all the while, her eyes fixed on the young girl as her face returned to normal and she walked over to stare out the window.
"I dont know what I am," Ashlan finally answered her earlier question. "All I have left now are my memoriesplaces Ive seenthings Ive donewhat I waswhat I couldve been," she turned to face Angel who she saw approaching her, Buffy by his side, "if it wasnt for my dear brother here. Why didnt you do anything about it? Why didnt you stop them that night? Why didnt you kill them right then and there. Then at least I wouldnt be stuck herebetween life and death." Angel stared at her, at a loss for words. "AshI- I couldnt," he finally stammered out.
"Yet you could do it to me?" she almost laughed. "Snatch me from our poor mothers womb after you drained her, like some monster in a fairy tale? And now you weep!" she shouted, tears glistening in her eyes. "I havent tears enough for what youve done to me," she whimpered. "This isnt real." The tears were now streaming down her face as she continued in disbelief. "None of this is real. I dont know this worldeverythings changed. I cant think, I cant feelI cantdo thisI cant exist like this." She fell to her knees, pulling her head down to the floor.
The friends sat around, not really knowing what to say or do for her. As he stood watching with his arm around Buffy, Angel thought back over the things he'd done over the course of his life. And where, in that violent time, it had gone. The lives he had affected. The pain and suffering he instilled in so many. The only bright spot of his existence was the slayer standing beside him. "Ashlan," he kneeled down to place a hand on her back, "I want to show you something." He extended his hand to her, hoping she would give him the chance to help her. "Please." She tentatively took his hand as he pulled her up off the floor. He and Buffy stood by the open front door, waiting for her to follow them.
"Wait," Cordelia spoke up, "Angel, its almost sunrise. Where are you taking her?"
"This isnt going to be long. Its close by. Well be back in a little while."
"Still, were coming with you," said Gunn.
"Speak for yourselves," Spike grumbled. "Ive had enough of the family-hour to last me another few lifetimes. You guys are on your ownbut, uh- Ill be back tonight to check up on things. Ya knowwhos alive and what have ya." Spike left, rushing past Gunn as he grabbed his jacket and, along with the others, headed for the door.
******
Caught out alone and Im trying to be free
Caught up in things that are inside of me
Lookin for something that I cannot see
Losin my faith but Im tryin to believe
Feels like Im caught in the ocean
Theres always someone to help me drown
The twisted tangled emotions
Theres always someone to help me drown
"Its here." The group had reached the familiar hillside within minutes, silent as they walked through the sleeping Sunnydale streets. Along the way they had encountered only three lone vamps, which Buffy made short work of. With each slaying, Ash looked on at the slayer in astonishment at such strength for a young woman. In her years growing up, Angel had told her of the slayers, how many he had killed himself, but she had never come across one.
"Whats here?" Ashlan asked her brother, highly annoyed at his insistence of coming to the uninspiring hill.
"Its here that I gained a piece of humanity back."
"How wonderful for you," she sneered. "Whats any of this have to do with me?"
"It has everything to do with you. Ashlanthis isnt you. The blind rage isnt you. You let it control you, but you have the chance to regain your control.
"What can I say- being dead really takes a lot out of you." She walks closer towards the edge of the hill, staring down at the houses below. "Dont you understand? I cant feel anything!" she shouted, turning back around to face him and the others. "And I cant understand for the life of me why they even bothered bringing me back in the first place."
"I know the feeling." At Ashs confused look, he began telling her of a time when he couldnt understand the reasoning behind an action. "When I was brought back from Hell-"
"You were in Hell?? Wellno real surprise there." Her admission cut Angel deep, but he quickly pushed it to the back of his mind. "I have been out of the loop for awhile."
"When I was brought back, I wanted to know why. I couldnt understand why, after finally being sent where I belonged, anyone or any power would want to bring me back to this world. Ash, you cant understand or feel anything because you wont let yourself. I know that you cant go back now, but now that youre here, you have a chance to do something useful. You have a chance to-"
"I dont want a chance to do anything! I didnt ask for a second chance! All I wantall I want is to know peace."
"Were not in this life for peace, Ash," Buffy said.
"Oh, coming from the slayer- Ill take that to heart," Ash scoffed at her.
"I know what you went through being dead because I went through it too. Twice, actually. I know what its like- the peacethe end of the constant struggle. Once youve known that, you long to be released from the pain of living. Unless you have something worth living for," her last comment was aimed at both Ash and Angel. "Familyfriendsthey make things more bearable."
"And I suppose the lot of you are such cheery chums that you all live blissful lives?"
"Far from it" Xander almost tumbled over laughing at her last remark. "But at least we all care about each other and were happy that all of us are alive."
"How fortunate for all of you," Ash laughed. "Unfortunately, I cant share your sentiments. To be stuck in limbo for one hundred years, only to be brought back to life, knowing that Ill never know real peaceI cant do it. I cant face that pain. It hurts too much" she trailed off as Angel neared her.
"Angeluh- its almost daybreak. Perhaps we should, umm"
"I know, Ash" Angel ignored Giles warning, "better than you could imagine. The pain is unbearableand you dont want it to go on." Ashlan slowly nodded as her brother continued. "I wish that I could just stop feeling because I never knew that it could hurt this much. I wish that I didn't need anybody. But once you love and need somebody, you can never stop. It doesn't just go away. It stays with you forever."
"Thats the whole point," Buffy finishes for him, grasping his hand in her own.
"So Ash, if you can tell me that youve never felt anything- any love, any deep need for something or someone- then thats the waste of you. But Ive learned, and Im done turning my back and trying to ignore what I feel," he admitted, looking down at the slayer standing beside him. "And Im not leaving here until you realize that."
"Are you kidding? In case youve forgotten, you werent lucky enough to have a big brother turn you into a hybrid, protecting you from daylight," Ash jeered. "Just go home with your little family."
"Im not leaving, Ash."
"Angel, come on! The sun is coming up!" Cordy pleaded with him.
"Listen to the princess over there and just go," Ash neared him, feeling the suns rays breaking through the horizon. "Go!"
"No." Angel wouldnt budge, even as Buffy began to pull on his arm to move him. Finally, Ash leaped at him, knocking him over, tumbling backwards down the hill with him until finally reaching the bottom under a nearby tree. "What are you- crazy! What are you trying to do- get yourself roasted!"
"NoIm trying to get my sister back," he replied as Ash encircled him in a hug. The others had ran down the hillside, reaching the bottom in time to see Angels arm stretched out in the sunlight, seemingly unaffected by the bright rays.
"Angel- youre arm," Buffy noticed. "Why isnt it?" Ashlan pulled herself out of their hug to see what the slayer was talking about.
"Wellisnt this a kodak momentits like the freakin Brady Bunch." The group of friends turned to see the owner of the new voice. "Whistler." In his worn leather jacket and black fedora, Angel recognized him immediately. "What do you want?"
"Ease up tall, dark, and broody. I come bearing gifts." He walked past the others, mumbling a few "hellos" and "hiyas" before coming face to face with Buffy, Angel, and Ash. "Slayer- long time no see. Heard you were dead. What happened- the afterlife just wasnt what you thought it would be?" he chuckled.
"No- I just couldnt spend eternity without seeing your smiling face," she replied, annoyed already at the demons presence. "So what do you want now?"
"Not me- the powers," he answered, pointing up at the sky. "Looks like you were a good boy in a previous life, Angel. Youve got it made now."
"As usual, I have no idea what youre talking about, so just spit it out, Whistler."
"Geeza guy tries to add a little more drama and excitement to a touching moment and he gets his head chewed off. Actually- Ive seen that happen a few times. There was this one guy, fella by the name of Nello, whose wife actually-"
"Whistler!" Buffy shouted. "We dont care! Now what is going on?"
"Your boy-toy is human" he blurted out. He watched as Buffy stood gazing at Angel in both disbelief and hope. "Uhh, you might want to pick your jaw up off the ground there girlienot the most attractive look."
"Angels human?" she whispered.
"Dead Boy is now Un-Dead Boy?" Xander asked in his typical fashion. At Whistlers nod, all Xander could muster up was "Damn!"
"How?" Angel finally spoke up, picking himself and Ash off the ground to face everyone.
"Her." Whistler pointed to Ashlan. "Shes the second half of your redemption."
"What was the first half?"
"Her." This time, Whistler nodded his head up at Buffy. "Earning her love and loving her in return- that was the first step to redeeming yourself in the eyes of the Powers That Be. This time your humanity is permanent, but-" before he could continue, Buffy launched herself into Angels arms, almost knocking him to the ground again.
"Whoa! Whoa! Cool it ski bunniesdo I need to get the hose already? Youre not completely off the hook, my man. Youre still working for the Powers- both of you are- so youve still got your strength and healing abilities. Consider yourself the first, and hopefully only, male slayer. Now as for you, kid," his gaze fell upon Ash, "the Powers havent exactly decided what to do about you yet. So if I were you, Id stick around. Things are always pretty interesting around here anyway."
"What do you mean, they havent decided what to do with me yet? And who are the Powers?"
"The Powers That Be. They sorta run things. Ya knowdestiny, fatethe whole deal. Your brother and the slayer here are working for em- theyre their chosen warriors in this thing called life, but they havent exactly figured out where you stand in the grand scheme of thingsso youre going to be given the chance to prove yourself worthy. Youre not being returned to your watery grave just yet-"
"Damn, and I just put in new curtains and a couple throw pillows," Ash scoffed.
"Cute. Now I see the family resemblence between you and my man Angel over th- Angel? Angel? Oh well, those two will have to come up for air sometime." He couldnt help but smile at Buffy and Angel, almost toppling over one another, enveloped in a long, passionate kiss.
"Anyway, heres the deal- youre staying until the Powers deem you worthy of your ultimate choice- life or death. If, after youve earned your redemption, you decide life is more enjoyable than chillin at the bottom of an oversized murky fishtank, youll be granted humanity. But, if you want to put up some wallpaper to match your new curtains, youll be sent back. Thats the deal, and whether you like it or not, its the only one youve got, kid."
Whistler gave her a light pat on the back as Ash let his words totally sink in. <So this is it- this is my new life. Well, it cant be all that bad, can it?> She looked around her at Xander making faces at her brother and Buffy making out, Anya slapping him across the chest, and Dawn and Cordelia whining about the cold. <On second thought, being dead is looking better and better,> she sighed to herself.
"You two," Whistler approached a finally separated slayer and ex-vampire, "had better take advantage of this. Its not everyday the Powers do something like this. Apparently, they decided that you two are better off together than apart- though personally, I think they just realized that no one else would be able to stand either one of you, so youre stuck together for all of eternity. You kiddies enjoy" he began heading towards the street, "though, not too much, if you know what I mean. Having to take care of a couple of rugrats right away isnt too slayer friendly," he grinned. He walked out into the street, but turned suddenly when he remebered the other thing he wanted to ask them. "Oh yeahdo any of you know where to get some decent Chinese around here?" At their surprised looks, he started walking again. "Ah, thats alright. Ill ask around."
"WellI think I speak for eveyone when I say, lets get some pancakes," Xander smiled, "and some sleep. I guess sleeping during the day has gotta be old hat for you, huh Angel? Angel?" He looked up to see Angel and Buffy walking back up to the top of the hill. "There they go again. Itll be a few good hours before we see them again."
"Try a good few days, Xander," Cordy said. "Come on, lets leave them. Theyll be homeeventually."
"Yes, but will they be fully clothed?- thats the $64,000 question." The others, including Ash, headed back for Buffys home, leaving the slayer and her now-human beloved alone.
"Will you stay here with me?" Angel asked, locking eyes with the beauty sitting beside him on the grassy hill.
"Always." She leaned her head against his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. Together they sat, watching the whole magnificence of the sunrise as if for the first time. Neither could remember any sunrise before it.
"I cant stand Christmas."
"Angel, here we are, you human, watching the beautiful sunrise together, and all you can say is I cant stand Christmas?" He turned to look at her, gently nodding his head. "Well, you may be Scrooge, but at least youre my Scrooge," she admitted, cuddling up closer to him.
"I didnt say that I hate Christmas, its justwell, it was around Christmas that I was turned."
"Oh, AngelIm sorry. I didnt mean to-"
"You dont have to apologize," he softly kissed the top of her head. "You didnt know. I lost everything at Christmasmy family, my humanitythings I never thought I could have againuntil you. Buffy," he pulled them both up, brushing off some grass as she did the same. "I stopped believing in Christmas. I stopped wishing for anything. But then you came along, and I finally had a wish. This is it-" he nodded towards the rising sun. "Being able to watch the sunrise again and having you to share it with."
Buffy tries to hold back her tears as she feels his hand gently caress the side of her face. "That day, when Willow called...what I felt was deeper and more terrifying than anything I've ever felt. Loss. A terrible feeling of loss. A part of my life- safety, simplicity. Things that I'd never known before you. The only thing that Ive ever wanted, even before I was turned, was to be whole. To be needed by someone as much as I need them. Ive only known that feeling with you."
"I feel the same way. I dont know how to feel, how to exist without you, Angel. Even when we werent together, I still carried you with me. I need you, Angel. I love you so much."
"I love you. For awhile, I tried to convince myself that I couldnt love you. That it wasnt fair to you. But all that did was make it worse because it killed me that we couldnt be together-"
"Angel, we couldve been together. I told you that time and time again. Even if you werent human now, the only thing Ive ever wanted was to be with you- no matter what."
"As much as it hurt being away from you, it hurt more being with you- taking away your chance at a normal life."
"I was the one thing that kept you going, but I was also the one thing that dragged you down." Angel began to respond, but was silenced as Buffys finger fell upon his lips. "I heard what Ashlan said, back at the mansion. What she left out, Cordelia filled me in with all the details."
Angels eyes avoided her own, filled with guilt and shame at his recent actions. Angel gently grabs her hand. "I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispers. She looks up at him, softly staring into his sorrowfilled eyes, and carefully grabs his face in her hands. She softly kisses his forehead, and then his lips, pulling him into a strong hug. "I know...I know. But why didn't you tell me?" He shrugs his shoulders as she pulls out of their embrace to face him.
"I didn't want to worry you."
"Fat chance of that ever happening," she softly laughed.
"I know. I should've told you. I just hate-"
"Being taken care of instead of being the one who always takes care of everyone else?" As he nods his head, she takes his hand and leads him back down the hill. They walk the waking streets back to Buffys house, and as Angel pulls her into a strong embrace, Buffy continues. "I know. That's one of the many things I've always loved about you. Angel, what finally knocked some sense into you?"
"Believe it or not, Cordelia."
"I believe it. Cordelias really changedmatured. Im sure shes been a great friend."
"She is. Theyre all wonderful- but theyre not you. That night, I shouldve known that Cordy knew what I was up toshe had been watching me for a few hours after everyone else had gone to bed. The next morning
1 week ago:
Been around this world so many times
If you could only see my mind
I watch my secret heaven turn to hell
Love alone has guided me
The ghost of my own destiny
I wish I never had a soul to sell
All the things I put me through
I wouldnt wish my hell on you
Youll never know whats going on inside
~~~"Angel? What do you think youre doing?!" Cordelia had followed her boss to the roof of the hotel just minutes before daybreak. "Come back down. Well have some breakfast, and talk- just you and me, ok?"
"Leave mejust go Cordelianow."
"Angel- Angel, I know its hard. I know-"
"You dont know!" he turned around to face her. "You dont know how hard it is- how painful it is. I cant do this. I cant keep fighting with nothing to fight for. Ive dedicated myself to helping strangers Ive never met, faces Ive never seen. Well, the innocent arent faceless anymore."
"And what about Buffy?" Cordy inched closer towards him, hoping to be able to snatch the stake out of his hands.
Just another lonely, broken hero
Picking up the pieces of my mind
Running out of faith and hope and reasons
Im running out of time
"Its easier to just let go like this."
"So thats it! Youre just giving up on her?! Youre just giving up on all of us?!" His only response was to turn his back to her, staring off into the horizon, waiting for the suns first rays to hit him. "Believe it or not, Angel, people depend on you more than you realize. I dont know what I wouldve done without you these past few years. The same goes for the others. And Buffy-"
"-deserves a normal life" he cut in.
"Which means that she deserves you! Why is it so hard for you to realize that you are the one person she depends on for everything?"
Trouble always seems to find
A way to live inside my mind
My haunted hell and me remain alone
Underneath my masquerade
A simple man whos so afraid
I tried to find the light to guide me home
My love, please just hold me tight
Im feeling so afraid tonight
Cause youre the only one who really knows
"We can never be together, Cordelia. You know that-"
"All I know is that even when you two are not together, she still depends on you. She carries you with her. She carries your soul with her everyday. To tell you the truth, I think the idea of you is whats keeping her going now, according to Willow." Angel looked up at her, searching her eyes for an explanation as she walked closer towards him. "Its killing her to be alive again, Angel. She is so aloneempty and lost. But just knowing that youre here is enough to keep her sane." Cordy was now standing by his side, holding the stake in her hand. Gently reaching out to hold his hand, she pulled Angel into a strong hug, which he more than welcomed. She could hear him softly crying as he rested his head over her shoulder.
Just another lonely, broken hero
Picking up the pieces of my mind
Running out of faith and hope and reasons
Im running out of time
"I tried. I tried so hard. I gave it all I had, I just dont have any more without Buffy. I can't help how I feel about her. It's like I tried to put her and the memories we shared into this dark abyss, but the feelings just keep resurfacing..."
"Than go to her. Tell her. Angel," she pulled out of their embrace to face him, "this isnt doing either one of you any good." He nodded, letting her lead him back down through the hotel. They reached his room and upong entering, Cordy picked up his phone. "Call her." Angel began dialing the familiar number but was interrupted by Wesleys shouting as he saw the former watcher racing into his room.
"Angel! Weve got a problem on our hands-"
"Correction-" Gunn interrupted him as he entered the bedroom, "-several problems. They found the scrolls for the ritual."
"Who? And what ritual?" Angel placed the phone back on its receiver. <Im sorry love. Not tonight- but soon. I promise>
"Edge and Christian," Wes answered. "Theyre planning something. Something big"~~~
"Remind me to thank Cordelia when we get home." Buffy hugged Angel tighter as they continued their walk back to her house, taking the time to enjoy their first sunrise together. "Angel, no matter what happens, I'm always going to love you and take care of you. So just promise me one thing- that no matter what happens or what comes, you'll always share it with me." She wraps her arms around his waist, being careful of his still sore ribs, as he lovingly gazes into her hazel eyes, and sweetly nods his head in agreement, responding to her promise with one of his own. "Whatever happens, whatever comes, always know that I love you."
******
Angel was careful to close Buffys front door as quietly as possible. Seeing the empty living room, they figured everyone was trying to catch some sleep, either at their own homes or somewhere in Buffys house.
"Since food will now be part of your daily routine, do you want some breakfast?" Buffy asked him, stifling a yawn.
"Buffyyoure exhausted. Youve got to get some sleep, even if its only for a few hours."
"Ohdo you have plans after that," she beamed up at him.
"Wouldnt you like to know. Sleep now, play later. Come onyoure going to bed." He grabbed her hand, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom. As they opened her door, they took notice of the small frame curled up among Buffys pillows.
"Why does this girl love my bed so muchshes gonna drool all over Mr. Gordo."
"Im sure hes had worse over the years." At Buffys unamused look, Angel walked over to her bed and gently picked up Dawn. "Come on, Dawnie. Big sister Buffy is kicking you to the curb." Dawn, half-awake, curled up closer to his chest. "She always does," she groggily murmured.
Returning from tucking Dawn into her own bed, Angel found Buffy already dozing off under her covers, Mr. Gordo snuggled under her right arm. Unable to resist and feeling exhausted himself, he snuggled down next to her. Sensing him near her, Buffy rolled over onto her side, slinging an arm across his waist and resting her head ontop of his chest. "Dont move," she whispers. "I just want to hear your heartbeat." Angel kisses the top of her head and within minutes the two are fast asleep.
******
Six hours later, Angel, in an attempt to stay warm, went to snuggle up to Buffy, but instead he found himself snuggling with her still-warm pillow. "Buffy?"
"Over here, Angel," she called from the large window across from her bed. Angel slips out from under the covers and goes to join her by the windowsill. "What are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing," she quickly places the sketch pad she held onto her floor along side her bureau. "Late sleeper, huh?"
"It's only..." he glanced to her nightstand, "twelve. I would think for you, that's still too early.
"Mmm..." she wraps her arms around him, "it's late when I want to spend the whole day with you."
"Cordelia! Dawn! Will, Tara! Get your stuff!" Buffy slipped on her jacket as she and Angel reached the bottom of the stairs. "I managed to convince Angel to take us shopping, and-" they entered her kitchen where she expected them all to be, but was met with an empty counter and empty chairs, "-and Im talking to myself," she finished. "Where is everyone?"
"I guess theyre all still asleep," Angel said.
"Well some people are trying to sleep upstairs," Cordy appeared behind them, "but its really hard with someone yelling down here. Gunn, Wes, and Fred already left for LA- and no, they did not take your car," she answered Angels question before he could ask it, watching him race to the window to see his new Benz still in the driveway, "-Giles drove them. Xander and Anya went home, said theyd see you at the Christmas party at the Bronze tonight. Dawns out like a light, and Tara and Willow left to go buy you a Christmas tree. It is Christmas Eve- though you wouldnt know it looking at this place. I think even Scrooge had at least a wreath or something."
"Wheres Ash?" Angel inquired.
"Oh, she was asleep with me in Willow and Taras room when I heard you two down here. Hope you dont mind. Shes really a sweet girl, Angel. Takes after her brother," she smiled up at him. "What are you two doing back so soon?"
"Weve been back. Caught up on a little thing called sleep. Get dressed. Angels taking us out."
"Nono, no, no. If I dont get at least six hours of sleep, I go psycho. Just ask him," she nodded up at a still smiling Angel. "On second hand, dont ask him. I do not need him telling stories."
"You know Im going to hear them eventually, Cordy."
"Mmm. Cordelia- bed. Thats all Im comprehending right now. Besides, its a much better alternative to seeing you two making with the smoochies the whole time wed be atwhered you say Angel wanted to take us?"
"Shopping." Before she knew it, Cordelia was heading back up the stairs to grab her purse. "Gimme two minutes. I can sleep when we get back. You two-" she pointed at them as she came bouncing back down the stairs after fixing her hair, "-had better get all your kissing out of your systems before we get to the mall, cause I refuse to be seen with the both of you when youre like that- which, by the way, is almost all the time. I will fully deny that I even know you two-"
"Cordelia- calm down. Well behave." Angel kissed Cordy on the forehead, then leaned in to place a kiss on Buffys soft lips. As he was grabbing his jacket and keys, Buffy took Cordelia by the arm, leading her out the front door. "CordeliaI wanted to thank you."
"For what?"
"For bringing my Angel back to me. For being such a great friendto the both of us." The brunette sweetly smiled at the slayer. "You dont have to thank me, Buffy. Seeing the both of you finally happy together is thanks enough." The two were embraced in a sweet hug when Angel came out the front door. He opened the door for both of them then made his way around to his side to head off for the mall.
******
